The last 10 days or so in Dalyan were lovely even with the unseasonable rain and thunderstorms. I was out about at times, lazying around at others if energy levels dipped, in fact I think I balanced activity and rest rather well for the end of my stay. Met some new people, regulars at the pansiyon like me but we had never had overlapping stays, I think once we missed each other by a few hours. They were a lovely couple from the Netherlands who have been coming to Dalyan for decades. Since I have been staying in Onder Pansiyon I have got to know a small group of the regulars, both Turkish and foreign guests and through them a few other people who live in or visit Dalyan regularly. It is a nice loose community of people who’s paths regularly cross and definitely contributes to the appeal of Dalyan.
The last couple of days were slightly marred by the unseasonally wet weather but fortunately I didn’t get caught out in a storm and I did get to see some spectacular lightning as I hurried back to the pansiyon one afternoon, this was after a lovely walk in the hills. It was Ilker’s birthday whilst I was there, so the guests were invited to join the family for a birthday meal, which was delicious. I often think the best meals I have in Turkey are the home cooked ones rather than the restuarants meals. My last morning in Turkey was very low key, sat on the terrace watching the fishing cooperative workers, police divers and other divers cleaning the river bed of rubbish. Over the last 5 or so years Dalyan has become very focused on cleaning the environment up, an initiative started by a combination of local people and European immigants and the whole of Dalyan seems to have embraced this.
So I have been back about 10 days now, weather has been the traditional British summer in someways whilst being not so traditional in the extremes of the variations. So a bit like Turkey in that the weather is unusal for the time of year. Since being back I have been melting in shorts and t-shirt to wrapped in up winter clothes, normally in June when I get back it is warmish with a mix of showers and sun. Two days ago there were tropical levels of humidity, yesterday cloudy and coldish then later strong winds, which continue today whilst being sunny and warm when sheltered from the wind. All very confusing when working out what to wear for the day.
The main theme of my return has been health related appointments with hospital, dental and optician appointments to fill my time. The dental and optician apts went well, the hospital first appointment was OK but I have to have a colonoscopy to find out more about what is going on in my bowels, still waiting to hear when this will be. I also have a pain clinic appointment coming up next week to look into the shoulder and neck pain I experience most of the time. Talking yesterday with someone, I realised that I am currently open for 4 different departments at the hospital, which is quite a shock really. I like to think that I am fit and healthy but being on the caseload of 4 hospital departments suggests that I am not as well as I like to think I am.
When you get cancer and have the treatment, I think many like me, think after it you will go back to being as you were before. I rushed back to work and normality after my treatment, being back at work 5 months after my treatment ended, which I now know was a mistake and I was far from ready and I wonder if this contributes to my ongoing fatigue. My life has been irrevesibly changed by the cancer in many ways, some of them good and some of them not so good, my continuing health issues would be in the not so good. I was warned that I could have life long effects from the treatment but brushed them asided thinking that I would be one of the fortunate ones who recovered and had mininmal or no lasting effects. It is coming up towards 5 years since I found the lump in my neck I am finally beginning to accept that the side effects will be long lasting and possibly for life.
I have found a new balance to life and my life is mostly good but I do get frustrated that I can’t do all that I used to do, which sometimes results in me overdoing it and then paying the price with extended bouts of fatigue. I do still feel self conscious about the scars on my neck from the radiotherapy and to a lesser extent the surgery. The reduced movement in my neck and shoulder is a hassle but something that I manage to cope with most of the time and is probably less of a problem than the fatigue. The pain, well it is there and I mostly ignore it but at times it is agonising, often for no apparent reason. I don’t hold much hope that the pain clinic will give me any significant help, I suspect it will be mindfulness sessions which I do not really need as I do this already, focusing on other things rather than the paint to manage it. Maybe they will surprise me and come up with something to dimish the pain significantly. Though if they offer to send me on an MBCT course I would definitely accept this.
Well as the sun is definitely around this morning I am going to put on some sunscreen and go out to enjoy it. Whilst I am missing Dalyan I am pleased I am back home, my return started well with a friend unexpectedly offering to collect me from the airport, which was a lovely thing to do and something I feel really helped me not get so exhausted by the journey. I am very fortunate in having some wonderful friends I think, a few of whom I have caught up with or have made plans to meet since being back and many that I need to get my ass into gear and arrange to meet up with. Overall life is good and I am enjoying it and I have hopes this will continue, can’t reasonably ask for much more really.
paulbysea 