Summer is ending without touching returning for many of us

So here in the UK, we seem to be transitioning into Autumn whilst still in August, which from my recollection is not totally unusual for the UK. It has been a wet and windy week or so where I live, which has kept me in more. Fortunately, this downturn in the weather coincided with a return of fatigue, over the last 10 days or so I have been experiencing an extended and fairly deep bout of fatigue, it did lessen for a day or so but returned again until this morning. So of course I went out for exercise once the rain stopped and enjoyed a lovely walk under blue skies. Feeling nicely tired from exercise at the moment thanks to an hour of Nordic Walking and enjoying the views across the city towards the sea. Hopefully, I have judged my exercise correctly and not overdone it and prompted a relaspse. Time will tell.

A couple of days ago, whilst listening to Radio 6, Mary Anne Hobbs, whilst talking with another presenter mentioned that she had not had a hug or touched another person for around 6 months, which struck a cord with me. The next day she talked about how many people had contacted her, reporting the same thing and/or offering their sympathy for this. I am not sure who the last person I hugged was but it was definitely some days or a week or so before lock down, so close to 6 months. In fact I think that the last time another person touched me would have been a medical or dental professional, I had appointmenst with both just before lock down. Since then the only touch I have had with another living being would have been stroking one of the neighbourhood cats that have approached me for a stroke or seven.

I can’t imagine that I would have gone so long in the past without touching another person and I doubt many people will have either. Normally, you would at least touch someones hand briefly as you paid for something with cash, shake hands or hug a close friend or family member. Now we do none of these things routinely and if you are not in a bubble with another family, then you do not have the opportunity to hug anyone. I had wondered how many single people were like me and not in a bubble with another family would not have touched someone else. I had been thinking it would have not been that many, also thinking they would have mainly been older people like me. In someways, I was a bit surprised that a younger person would be in a similar situation but on a moments reflection, I realised that if you are a single, living alone person without children and your friends and family are mostly couples or have children then they would likely form bubbles together, leaving the singletons outside the bubbles. Of course there will be exceptions to this where a couple of single people will have created a two person, two household bubble or joined extended bubbles.

Of course with relaxation of social distancing guidelines some might have hugged a friend when they meet up and people who meet regularly might think it is OK and or allowed, which it may well be, I haven’t kept upto date with the guidelines for the general population, focusing on those for people like myself who are extremely clinically vulnerable. Whilst shielding is paused, I know the government has said people like myself can do more but as far as I am aware we are advised not to touch others or join larger groups that the general population is told they can do. Even if I did meet up with larger groups there would not be an opportunity to hug and I think the elbow bumping many people do would actually be worse than not touching at all.

Six months ago today, on the penultimate day of Februrary it was clear that Covid 19 was going to have a significant impact on the UK but what that change would be, I do not think most of us realised how massive a change it would be and how long it would last. I realised it would have a bigger impact than the UK goverment was admitting it would, but I didn’t expect it be as big as it was and continue for so long. So here I am nearly 6 months on, mostly physically well and feeling emotionally OK most of the time. Sure at times I do get lonely at times and miss social interactions, I also miss all the wandering around I used to do, even though I am getting out more now. The walks I used to take around town, popping into a shop to get one or two items and then wandering back home the long way. Sometimes, this was just to keep occupied if I felt like I needed to do something, other times it was to go people watching. I also used to meet friends fairly regularly for a coffee and a walk, which obviously had to stop and so far this has been slow to resume. The few times I have met friends for a walk and coffee, we have both taken a flask and sat somewhere outdoors to chat and drink coffee as we both have felt safer doing this.

The only gardens I have been into are firstly, my mother and stepfather’s a couple of times, where we have social distanced or met there and gone for a walk. It has been a bit weird not giving my mum a goodbye hug but not totally unusual as we are not especially huggy if seeing each other regularly. The other garden was one of the Nordic Walkers, when we had a coffee after a walk rather than going to a cafe as we would normally. I have not sat in a friend or family members home since we were advised to social distance. Shops have not been visited since lock down, so I have no real idea how the real life shopping experience has changed. All my shopping is now done online and for me has become the new normal.

I have missed my May to June trip to Dalyan and won’t be heading there for my normal September to October trip either, which is going to be another bit of weirdness for me. Over the last few years, since my cancer diagnosis the trips to Dalyan have been an important part of my year, something I looked forward to. I will be having my birthday here in the UK for the first time in several years, I think the only time I haven’t been in Dalyan for it since my diagnosis was when I had a check-up around my birthday whilst still working. Of course last years birthday in Dalyan wasn’t really celebrated as I was going down with the nasty stomach bug I suffered then. Mostly though, my trips to Dalyan have included a nice albeit low key birthday. This year, I will be here and I guess the celebration will be low key too. Again an example of the new normal.

So my new normal is very different to what I could have predicted 6 months ago. I am spending time alone much more than I was and whilst I don’t feel lonely that often I do miss seeing friends and family. I have significantly less social interactions which I think is probably much the same for most of us, though for people in house shares or living with others I guess they could crave some alone time. Something that I heard on Radio 4 this week, Woman’s Hour I think, was about how research shows that if we go more than 3 months without seeing friends, this friendship is likely to fade away (this doesn’t happen with family members for some reason). Whilst this is not normally a problem as it is part of the normal ebb and flow of friendships, with many people drifting from one set of closer friendships into other groups of friendships. As I haven’t seen most of my friend for around 6 months I am wondering what effect this will have on my friendships, will they restart or will they fade into the past with occassional and decreasing online contact? Time will tell I suppose.

So my new normal is fairly solititary and distanced, until there is an effective vaccine I guess for shielders like me, it by neccessity it will have to remain so. As I have not “bubbled up” (is this the correct terminology) as yet, I have to accept this is how it is. Being honest with myself, I suppose that I am unlikely to have this for a while, which means that hugs will be off the agenda for the foreseeable future and any hopes of dating will in effect be put in to to deep freeze for long term storage. Which is all a bit bleak in many ways. Yet being the glass half full person and thinking more positively, I am ok financially, have a roof over my head, am fairly self contained and able to make the most of this far from ideal situation. So I think it is fair to say, I am not happy about my situation but feel fortunate that it is not a lot worse and despite the restrictions on my life, do have many good things if I take the time to notice them.

A wet and windy August Day

Being unfair about the British weather I could say, “what we would normally call a summer day in England”, except this year it has been rather warm and sunny and very little rain during August so far on the south coast, with some record temperatures. So the weirdness of this year continues. Sticking with strange days, the wierdness of lockdown in the UK started nearly 5 months ago, though many people had stopped going out or to work some days before this and despite lots of relaxations of this, much has not gone back to how it was before Covid 19. Lockdown initially was pretty muched adhered to. well except for some, who made repeated to buy enough toilet rolls to fill the average sized shed. Some others of course were rushing around dozens of shops trying to find a toilet roll because they hadn’t stocked up. I was talking earlier today on zoom with a friend about the last 5 months and how life has changed and it brought home that is has been over 5 months since I touched another human, no handshakes, no hello or goodbye hugs. British reserve taken to extremes is one intereptation or protecting yourself and others in another.

Today I have just had my online supermarket shop delivered. My new normal, I haven’t been into a shop since I signed up to online shopping and wonder when I will visit a shop again. I still am unsure about online shopping and would prefer to choose my own items, especially fresh vegetables. But mostly it is OK and in someways easier than going to the supermarket and other shops. I realised the other day that I had not been into the main shopping centre or the two or three other traditional shopping streets around my home since March. I might go for an explore sometime in this direction to see if it is still there and if the major road works and development has been finished yet.

I am still getting out for exercise, though not today. Favoured exercise is currently Nordic Walking, which I am really enjoying doing more regularly now. I think it is helping my shoulder, the back ground aching and pain is little different but I think the acute bouts of pain I get from it have lessened slightly. But I guess I could be erring on the side of optimism here as this does seem to fluctuate. Time will tell. My knee pain continues, but a combination of the physio exercises and pain killers seem to be working on reducing this, well at least in the short term.

So besides online shopping, health stuff and exercise what have I been doing in the month since my last entry. Well to be honest not a great deal. Been out a couple of times with friends or family members for walks. Have had a couple of fairly deep bouts of fatigue, which did mean I had to postpone a couple of walks. Have made a few zoom calls, but mostly I think interactions with others have been via various messaging services. My social life has definitely shrunk to a large extent over the last few months. Talking with several other shielders, we are all very sceptical about government pausing shielding. The scientific evidence does not really support the decision, it is a decision based on what the NHS can cope with rather than in the best interests of shielders. So if cases go up, and beds become scarce again, shielding will return. Sure the chance of catching it is lowered, but the potential implications are the same, so shielders are being asked to make decisions that the government doesn’t want to make.

Mask wearing is causing a lot of debate at the moment. My view is I don’t like them but better to wear one than not if in busy or confined spaces. I tend not wear one when I am Nordic Walking because there are not many people about. If it does get busy then I will put one on. Though, wearing one is more likely to protect others than me as I am diligent about social distancing. And thinking about preventing spread of Covid in other ways I have not eaten or drunk anything yet that I have not prepared. When I go for a walk, I tend to take a bottle of water with me and if we are going to stop for bit will take a flask of coffee sometimes and a snack. I have sat in my mum and stepfathers garden and consumed my own water rather than take a drink from them and eaten before going to visit. Possibly over the top, but I do this as much to protect them as myself.

My mother is causing the family some concern at the moment, she has problems with her balance and seems a bit more forgetful and seems different in other ways. She fell over last week, being kept in hospital over night and then discharged herself, partly I think because she was not allowed anyone to come into the hospital with her or to have visits whilst she was there. Old age is creeping up on her I guess. She and my stepfather are meeting with the family doctor soon to discuss this. Other family news, well my uncle’s daughter, my cousin has anounced she is pregnant and we will have another member of the clan cluttering up the planet in Feb next year, good to have some good news for a change.

So this is my mundane and somewhat repetive life at the moment. Strangely though I am mostly OK, I do have times when my aloneness become very apparent and weighs heavily on me for a few hours or so. Then it passes, usually because I have being keeping myself busying doing something, mindful activity in action. Other times, I enjoy my own company and find my routine reasuring, though I do sometimes deliberately change things around. I wouldn’t say I am in a rut, more that I am following a well trod path, with a deviation from it if there is something that catches my attention or I have a desire to shake things up a little bit. I am still one of the very fortunate people I think, life is pretty good, I have a roof over my head, food to eat and am mostly fit and healthy. So I will end now, I am going to potter about for a bit in the kitchen, make a drink and then sit down and read my book and if you are able to do that I think life is more than OK.